Ben Marcus Rules

Six bucks for a cup of coffee?

There oughta be a law.

Every time I pay that I wanna

Punch myself in the jaw.

A cup of coffee costs what?

Maybe 50 cents or less?

So paying five bucks and then some don't make a whole lotta sense.

But pump your brakes, son there is a solution.

To this caffienflation.

You should oughta refrain

From the highjacking coffee chains

Across America, there is a substitute

To get your buzz from the beans

But live within your means.

What we have here is a communication

The next time you go to a gas station

When you pull up to fill your tank with octane gas

Go inside and and give gas station coffee a chance

CHORUS

Gas station coffee, from sea to shining sea.

What used to be toxic,  now is exotic

Get a cuppa at Wawa, fill your thermos up at Jet.

Gas station coffee is your best bet

Circle K or Sunoco, Shell or Ractrac

7/11 aint bad, 

Gas station coffee is stronger than crack

And cheaper!

Call it Two Buck Buzz. Call it what you will 

Gas station coffee is no longer just swill.

Now they got these fancy machines

That give you choices and grind the beans.

While you wait.

Forget all that fancy talk about grande or tall

Down on the corner it’s just large, medium or small

The taste sensation 

That’s sweeping the nation

From sea to shining sea

Malibu to Montauk

San Juan Islands to the Florida Keys

Fill your cup at a filling station.

It's a hedge against inflation.

You say you’re hipsterallergenic?

Got no time for the smug or pedantic?

Man buns, tattoos and millennial jive.

Make you break out in hives?

All fed up with barista-tude?

Tattooed love boys calling you dude, not sir.

Tripping over pronouns, he, she, they, it.

No time for that bullshit

Gas station coffee is all self servin'

Rocket fuel to get your swerve on

Flow your own Joe and spice it to taste

Cause you ain’t got time or money will you waste.

You just want a cup of rocket fuel with no messing?

And not a bleeding botany lesson?

Is it bird friendly or free trade certified?

I just want a liquid that will keep my eyes wide.

Gas station coffee, it's so hot right now

Keep it black, or add some cow.

I like mine with Mexican Hot Chocolate

Cost you three bucks max.

Maybe a little more with tax.

It’s all do it yourself and leave enough for cream.

Go easy on the sugar if you’re diabetic.

And coffee is also a diuretic.

Good going down, better coming out.

Regular as clockwork, that’s what you’ll be.

With regular doses of gas station coffee.

Gas Station Coffee, call it what you will

Truck Stop Slop or 7/11 Swill.

Junction Java or Two Buck Chuck.

Call it Caffeine Katy, I don't give a

Good gosh darn

When you fill your tank, give that lever a yank

Save yourself a couple of bucks

And if you drive one of them Teslas, and ain’t got a truck.

Well my friend, you’re shit out of luck.

(Stuck with Starbucks)